What If...

These two words can be really powerful. They are equally capable of leading one down the path to a very dark place or to a very enlightened place.

A paradox. Much like the statement I made in my last post when I said that I was profoundly unlucky and profoundly lucky in less than an instant.

So what if? What if what?

Well, what if the worst happened?

Define worst.

Dying, brain damage, broken neck, paralyzed all come to mind. Next up would be broken jaw, crushed face bones, and nerve damage.

Okay, this is depressing.  I don't like this path.

There are other what ifs, though.  What if I didn't go biking that day? What if I left my house a split second sooner or later?  What if I didn't stop to take the picture of the swamp?  What if the car didn't pass me?  What if I had ridden with a friend instead of alone? Would the stick still have been kicked up into my front fork in that very instant anyway?

And what if it didn't happen?  Was I meant to fall face first on pavement at this point of my riding career to help protect me from an even worse biking accident in the future?  Had I already been pushing my luck by being accident free for my first 3,450 miles?  Did my accident happen so something far worse wouldn't happen when I converged on the road with the passing car and the boy on the bike at that instant in time?

I know I'm thinking too much here.  Someone even told me the other day to quit thinking about it and just put it behind me.  Let it go.

Yet it's only been 14 days.  I still have stitches in my face and I'm still in the midst of dental repair. My neck and wrist still ache.  My voice is still shaky at times.  I want my old face back.

And if there were ever a time for introspection in life, wouldn't that time be now??

A small enlightened voice in my head has been asking me this:
Even though this was a freak accident, what if this was really supposed to happen to me?

What if it happened so I would realize how many wonderful people I have in my life?  What if it happened so I would hear loud and clear from those wonderful people how much I really mean to them?  What if it happened so that I would recognize that I have more important work left to do in life before my time is over?  What if it happened so I would truly and fully appreciate all the wonderful blessings in my life, today and every day?

Those are the good what ifs.  And those are the ones that I hope will stay with me long after my wounds are healed.