Back in the Saddle

So, quietly and without a lot of fanfare, I've gotten back on my bike and begun doing training rides again.  Riding is still scary for me, but I'm trying to put that aside as best I can and begin enjoying the ride again.

It's interesting to look back and see how I made this progression. After my accident, I couldn't even look at my bike, let alone touch it or clean it off. Eventually, I was able to take that step and then get my bike into my car and to the repair shop.

After it was fixed, I drove around with it in my car for a few weeks. I didn't even realize I was doing this until my daughter asked why it was still in the car.  It sounds funny, but I responded that I was keeping it in the car so my bike and I could be near each other. I needed to learn how to trust it again and maybe if I drove around with it in my car for a few weeks, that would help.

In fact, it did help. I then was able to get back on for a biking "light" ride with my son, as documented in my previous post.

The next challenge, which I've been told is in typical Lisa fashion, was for me to face the fear head on. So one morning when I was feeling brave, I got on my bike wearing the same clothes I had on the day of my accident and rode the route I should have finished on that unlucky day.

I had visions of what my reaction would be when I passed over "the scene".  Would I stop, get off the bike and quietly remember or would I bike right over with my fist shaking in anger?

Oddly enough, a car passed by me at the exact minute I came upon "the scene", almost knocking me off the road.  I just hung on and kept riding.  Maybe that was for the best. I've been told I'm an overthinker and maybe I've done enough thinking about my crash.

I've been out for several more rides since, both riding alone and in groups.  It's been fun and scary. It's made me anxious and calm.  I'm sure my riding will be filled with conflicting emotions for a long time, maybe forever.

But for now, I'm just trying to take it one mile at a time and one ride at a time, and hoping that it will get easier.